6/11/2005

Aussie humor

Israellycool had a funny post about questions tourists asked at the Australian Tourism web-site. It made me remember the following e-mail I received from my ex-inlaws.


Aussie aviation humor

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints/problems, generally known as squawks, recently submitted by Qantas Pilots to maintenance engineers. After attending to the squawks, maintenance crews are required to log the details of the action taken to solve the pilot's squawks.

(P=The problem logged by the pilot; S=the solution and action taken by the maintenance engineers)

P-Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S-Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P-Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S-Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P-#2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S-#2 propeller seepage normal - #1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

P-Something loose in cockpit.
S-Something tightened in cockpit.

P-Dead bugs on windshield.
S-Live bugs on backorder.

P-Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produced a 200-fpm descent.
S-Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P-Evidence of a leak on right main landing gear.
S-Evidence removed.

P-DME volume unbelievably loud.
S-Volume set to more believable level.

P-Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S-That's what they're there for!

P-IFF inoperative.
S-IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P-Number 3 engine missing.
S-Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P-Aircraft handles funny.
S-Aircraft warned to "Straighten Up, Fly Right, and Be Serious."
P-Target radar hums.
S-Reprogrammed target radar with words

7 Comments:

Blogger Dan Zaremba said...

Hmm, typical - but funny.

4:32 PM  
Blogger SEAWITCH said...

felis,

Hmm, typical - but funny.

It sounds like maybe there's a bunch of smart asses in Australia. Is this correct?

Sounds like a fun place. One day I will be able to visit.

4:44 PM  
Blogger Dan Zaremba said...

"It sounds like maybe there's a bunch of smart asses in Australia."

Yep, just about right.
And we have to live with each other. ;-)

"One day I will be able to visit."
Do you like hot weather, sandy beaches, great surf and wildlife (I meant fauna)?

7:02 PM  
Blogger SEAWITCH said...

Hey, sounds like where I live!!! Summer temps in the 90's or 100's depending on El-Nino, I live ten miles from the beach, though I can't really claim we have a great surf, except during tropical storms. We have black bears, foxes, great blue herons, white herons,and all sort of other flora and fauna.

8:00 PM  
Blogger Dan Zaremba said...

I am sure I'd love Mississipi then.
And I am sure the folks there are friendly.
I love all animals, I am fascinated by them.

I Live in Sydney, in a bushy and rocky area very close to the ocean as well.
Do you get visitor-black bears now and then?

3:40 PM  
Blogger SEAWITCH said...

No, but I have three deer that come up to my house every winter. My trees are filled with blue jays, cardinals, mockingbirds and wood finches. The cats don't like the jays and mockingbirds. The birds dive bomb them.

Where I work, every June there about 30 swallows that nest. It's amazing to watch as they swoop and skim. Also, brown pelicans come up and are usually feed shrimp and small fish.

We named one of them Junior, he was a youngling a couple of years ago. He was almost at the point were he would come up and eat from your hand but then he flew away to his winter nesting grounds.

Do you ever go to the Sydney Opera House? I imagine Madame Butterfly there would be very different from what I see at our local theater.

9:14 PM  
Blogger Dan Zaremba said...

Do you ever go to the Sydney Opera House?
Seawitch,
You know that a real Parisien never visits the Musée du Louvre.

Well in fact I do go there but only once a year or so.

4:02 PM  

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