The Southern Women's Guide to Changing a Tire
My car had a flat tire the second day after the storm and I had been using that little spare that cars come equipped with until Saturday. Below is a guide on the Southern woman's art of changing a tire. It is usually effective and works quite well most times.
Step 1: Make sure your neighbor who knows about cars is outside
Step 2: Take the spare out and place in such a way that your neighbor is sure to see it
Step 3: Take out the jack
Step 4: Stare at the jack in perplexity until your neighbor comes over
Step 5: Allow your neighbor to change the tire for you
Step 6: Thank him profusely and explain that since you've only had this car for a little under a year, you were not used to the jack(the car did come with a crappy jack that was impossible for me to turn)
Step 7: In case your flat occurs on the highway or along another road, most men will stop and offer to change your tire for you, in the South at least. However, this can be dangerous and your best options are to phone your brother, wait for a State Trooper or police officer to pull up and change it for you, attempt to change it yourself unless your jack is crappy, or after 15 minutes, call your Mom for the number of a tow truck company.
Remember, Step 7 needs for you to have a cell phone. Any questions?
posted by SEAWITCH at
7:59:00 AM
14 Comments:
Let it be known that I hate cars...don't know anything about them...don't understand them, but they are a necessary evil aren't they?
I changed a tyre on my car once and hated every minute of it. Why can't they make them so that they don't deflate so easilly...or at all?
Why can't I win lots of money so I can have a limo and a driver who takes care of all that stuff for me? Sigh, maybe one day!
boz,
Ok, I won't ask you change any tires on my car!! :)
I hope you win lots of money and enjoy riding around in a limo.
Let it be known that this method only works in the South. Try that in DC and they'll drive right by. Even the cops in some cases.
TS,
That's why I'll never leave!!!
Any questions?
Yeah - What did the neighbor get?
Um, is there some reason you don't have AAA?
I get flat tires at least twice a year (all the damn construction places somehow throw nails on the road, I swear) and all I do is call them and they change it for me. When I only have the little donut, then they change it to that and then I drive to a tire place and have them do it. OK, you know I never felt like a little princess before but after looking at what I just wrote...hmm... uh oh. ;)
mark,
Like the sing says,"southern girls learn how to open a door with just a smile".
esther,
From one princess to another: I have never really thought about AAA but it does seem like a good idea. Though I have been very fortunate that every time I have car problems, I am near a car repair shop or a gas station or at home or at work. Like when the transmission went out for the second time in my old car, I was able to coast into a gas station.
Yeah, that's the problem!
Just a smile....grumble, grumble....
Hey, those little tires are shit. The first thing I do wiuth a car like that is geta real rim and tire for a spare and throw those pieces of shit away. They're dangerous and your life is worth at least the price of a rim and tire, isn't it? (about $125.00)
mark,
Here's my list of must haves as soon as I can:
1: A real spare and not one of those donut things
2: A decent jack that I can use, because I do know how to change a tire
3: A compressor that can run on my car battery
4: A decent set of jumper cables
I never thought about those donuts before it took almost 3 weeks to have the tire places reopen
And quit your grumbling. Smiles can be wonderful things. : )
BTW - You are teaching your parrot "The Colonel Bogey March":
http://www.mvdaily.com/articles/1999/04/bogey.htm
Be happy in your work!
It seems to me the South is a lovely place to be a lady.
felis,
It is and is also a great place for all to live. There is a great sense of community here.
I don't know how they expect you to get the lug nuts off! I had to ask my neighbor to change one for me on a very cold, windy night--it went flat going down the drive! He got a warm, knit hat and a very profuse thank you! I hate being stranded--even in the south!
I'm telling you, get AAA. Every woman should have that and a cell phone. I've blown out tires or broken down in the worst places (like the Tappen Zee bridge in NY, on the shoulder of the 405 freeway in Los Angeles) and they've been a slice of heaven.
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