8/18/2005

Technicolor

Last night I had a dream in color. That may not seem like a lot to some, but for someone like me who suffers from the dis-ease of clinical depression, it means I'm on the road to recovery. I had previously suffered from three episodes of depression and began sliding into the current one about a month and half ago. The nights of only getting 2 to 3 hours of sleep will soon be gone. The disinterest in things that I love to do will soon be gone. The inability to concentrate and think will soon be gone. The other changes I, my family, and friends have noticed will soon be gone.

The first time around I didn't want to admit what I had but when you start thinking about doing yourself in on a daily basis and are so withdrawn you cannot talk to anyone, it's time to seek help. I recieved the help I needed and with a combination of anti-depressants and therapy after about two years was able to stop taking them. I was fortunate that the first anti-depressant tried was sucessful.

The second and third times I just needed to go on the anti-depressants again as is the case this time.

I do not consider my depression to be a mental illness for when it hits I have nothing to be depressed about. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain and the anti-depressants correct it. I call it the 'darkness' for when it hits me the hardest, everything is gray. It saps my energy and makes me feel like a non-entity.

The worse thing about it for me, it takes away my natural optimism and enthusiasm. But as in the past, when confronted by obstacles placed in my life, God is there helping as are family and friends.

5 Comments:

Blogger Esther said...

OK, not sure if I should go where comments started or where you say to use but here goes...

Good for you! You are definitely inspiring.

A lot of what you described (other than the desire to do one's self in) are things that I've been dealing with. I'm on an anti-anxiety medication plus a year so far of therapy and it has truly helped. Can't say I'm getting a full night's sleep yet (just over 5 years of interrupted sleep has really taken a toll on me), but I definitely feel a difference. Frequent bouts of unemployment hasn't helped but employment hasn't solved issues so I know it's not just that.

If you ever need to talk to someone who has an idea of what you're feeling and going through, just give me a shout. Hang in there! :)

10:45 PM  
Anonymous seawitch said...

esther,

I started up on the medicine this time before those thoughts of doing myself in came.

Hang in there! It will get better.

2:30 AM  
Blogger Esther said...

Thanks. Right back atcha. :)

3:52 PM  
Blogger Abe said...

Glad you're getting better. Keep up the good work.

FWIW, I never dream in color. I should say, I just don't notice any color in my dreams, but I'm not highly color-oriented anyway.

7:07 PM  
Anonymous seawitch said...

abe,

Thanks. I have always noticed dreaming in color so when I stop it's kind of a warning.

7:34 PM  

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